Match Report by Alessandro Onano

Southgate M5 1-1 West Hampstead M3

The Southgate 5s found themselves at Brent Cross for a clash with the league leaders, West Hampstead. Their opponents boasted a flawless record: 8 wins from 8 games. Surely, this would be a match to remember—and it didn’t disappoint, though perhaps for reasons beyond hockey.

The day kicked off with a small drama (read: major kit communication malfunction). It seems one player (Raj?) failed to notice the updated instruction about wearing red and turned up sporting only his white kit. Worse still, some players (Raj??) ignored the golden rule of always bringing both kits to an away game. Fortunately, there was a happy ending: after discovering that even the inquisitor/report writer himself had forgotten his second shirt, a red replacement was procured (albeit a snug fit, much to the delight of the two female spectators present). With everyone properly attired, the game was ready to begin.

Despite the pedigree of the opposition, Robbo’s team, fired up by a rousing pre-match speech, stepped onto the field with the right attitude and zero fear.

The first half was balanced, played on equal terms, with neither side managing to break the deadlock. West Hampstead attacked with as much energy as they yelled and screamed, clearly not used to finding themselves under pressure. Meanwhile, Southgate held firm, showing discipline in defence and looking for opportunities to exploit the gaps left by their frustrated opponents. They even thought they had taken the lead when Lik (finally promoted to the 5s after years of toil with the 4s) slotted home. Alas, the goal was ruled out for an alleged dangerous play on Akash’s assist. Moments earlier, Alex had stirred panic in the opposition D, only to cap his effort with a shot that could be best described as a mozzarella—soft and easily caught by the keeper.

The second half was where the action heated up. West Hampstead finally found a breakthrough, somewhat fortuitously, from a well-executed short corner that ended in a deflection. It left our defence, dressed in red (despite some aspirations to be in white), with no chance.

But the 5s didn’t let their heads drop. They pushed forward with intent, and it was Doug’s dogged determination that brought the scores level. He poked home from close range after a well-worked team move, demonstrating the grit that has defined this team last Saturday.

Southgate even had chances to take the lead. Unfortunately, in a tale as old as time, the team’s ability to create dangerous 1v1 opportunities on the counter is matched only by their inability to convert them. Two clear chances went begging, much to the frustration of the two travelling supporters.

Then came the drama of the day, a contender to rival Shirtgate. The referee awarded a “ghost goal” for a ball that Niccolò had first saved and then cleared before it could cross the line. Cue 11 players passionately explaining 15 reasons why the goal shouldn’t stand. After some deliberation with the other umpire, one of those 15 reasons evidently hit home, and the goal was disallowed. Crisis averted.

The remainder of the match saw some notable moments: a yellow card for Robbo after a midfield foul and some adventurous defensive passes that may have been inappropriate for the impressionable young crowd participating in the 5s matches.

Man of the Match Voting

The MoM votes reflected the outstanding team performance, with plenty of contenders for the prize. Doug, Lik, Kyle, and Alex were constant thorns in the opposition’s side up front, while Captain Robbo brought order to the midfield, enabling Akash, Joe, Aryan, and Zac to roam freely and contribute in both attack and defence. Raj was a tenacious force, snapping at heels and breaking up everything that came near him, and Niccolò defended his goal with courage and resilience. However, the standout duo of the day was Mat and Jon, who channelled their inner Maldini and Costacurta in defence, with Jon finally taking home the coveted Man of the Match honours.

PS: The day ended on a less triumphant note for the author, who was finally handed the ultimate punishment: writing this report. Yet another glaring example of the world’s injustice… sigh.