Result: Southgate Titans 2 – 1 Chelmsford Supervets
Goalscorers: Alessandro Onano, Nick Wood
Match Report by: Benjamin Turner
They call Chelmsford the Birthplace of Radio, and this top-of-the-table clash crackled with static from the first whistle. Both sides came in undefeated after two rounds, both boasting strong squads. For most of the match, the frequency was tuned firmly to Chelmsford FM: 104.4 possession, waves of high-voltage attack cutting through our midfield bandwidth like an LBC chat show, and a relentless barrage turning the Titans’ ray-D-o Ga-Ga.
But while Chelmsford broadcast pressure, Titans broadcast results. Two perfectly tuned penalty corners, straight from the practice studio, turned noise into harmony. First, a slick routine — Biff at the top feeding back to injector Alessandro, who slapped the ball in at the near post for 1–0. Minutes later, déjà vu: Biff again the producer, this time threading it to the far post for a deft nick-from-Nick and 2–0. Chelmsford couldn’t believe their signal strength — all the control, yet two bars down at half-time.
Biff transmitted his motivational half-time team talk — “Let’s be less sh*t” — but we failed to receive the signal. Titans remained mired in the sticky stuff, but gloriously so. Chelmsford turned the dial to full volume, scored to bring on an interesting finale, and we got the wires of our woofers and tweeters hopelessly crossed by collecting green, green, yellow in the final fifteen minutes. With ten men and all frequencies jammed, we defended like heroes, repelling penalty corners and riding our luck as they struck both posts, which vibrated like alarm bells — off the foot of one, halfway up the other.
But Chelmsford’s line went dead, the final whistle blew, and somehow, miraculously, Titans had pirated the airwaves as 2–1 winners. End of transmission.